You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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