I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
