We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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