I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
