I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
