last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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