im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
