party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
