no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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