I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
