My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
