we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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