I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
