I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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