At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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