the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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