She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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