this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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