Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
