the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
