My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He better not be in your backpack
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
