A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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