Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
