Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This baby is an asshole
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize