so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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