using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
