We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
