it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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