I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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