Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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