Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
