I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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