I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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