ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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