Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize