i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
two words: eviction party
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize