I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
FUCK WHALES
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
