I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
