i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize