and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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