90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
