That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
