I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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