are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize