mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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