Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Randomize
