Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
