I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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