How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize