His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
