Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
