I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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