can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Bring me that man meat
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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