Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
