you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
