We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
