there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
