threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
