Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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