Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A bitchslap is in order.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
