seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
