sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
