Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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