So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
