I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
