HIV tests are more positive than that guy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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