whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
