I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
