his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
