mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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