I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
