no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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